kept promises.

my body moves from faint smiles to rocks in my feet. it has no will or pointed way; it just shifts without warning. i have lost understanding of why i'm hungry when i am or why i can't sleep at night. the basic functions of breathing and blinking become a chore on my to-do list. maybe i'll get around to it if i have time in my slow day of thinking of you.

somehow the sun still moves across the sky, and still there are full moons and cloudy mornings. things that were always there before, but why do they weigh on me?

i want to slip slowly under that river i crossed with you. you remember the one that changed our lives. i want to hang on for dear life, and then let it go like i loved it. i want to climb that tree that looked so tempting and conspicuous. yeah, the one we passed everyday on our way to circle k. i want those salty waves to crash against me as i go out a bit too far. that was that weekend that you saw the ocean for the first time. i want your arms wrapped around me just a bit too tight. i could hear your heartbeat every night, ear pressed against your chest.

please, don't vanish from me. i've opened up a tavern in my second ventricle, just for you. we only serve good bourbon and whiskey here, and there's live music every night.

don't you leave me, now. we've still got bills to pay and ideas to bounce. we're moving out to california, remember? fueling ourselves on ramen and that hope that got us so far.

baby, i'm being strong, but my muscles are cramping. i've got blisters coming to on skin that's raw. i know you promised it would get better, but i'm not seeing how. i'm trying to try and building callouses where i was once pink.

but i still put trust in every word you ever said to me, and i've got enough faith for the both of us ... but you better not leave me now.