frozen steps.

sometimes i forget, i pass it off as a paranoid delusion that i always had before he passed. i was always paranoid that something was going to happen to him, only because i knew i couldn't live without him.

i have to convince myself that he's truly dead, honestly, completely, and fully. i have a hard time not lying to myself to stop that blade from driving straight into my spine.

just a few minutes ago, i was cleaning up scraps from a project, and i walked into the kitchen thinking, "i'll give boy a call and then i'll brush my teeth and ..." i stopped in my tracks. breathe deep. don't think. just walk.

keep going.

don't stop.

i'll never be the same, rocking in his wake.