cry to be picked up.

when given the opportunity, i hold my tiny nephew in my arms, and he stares at my face, grabbing my nose and lips. he plays with boy's ring on the chain around my neck. he giggles and fusses. he makes me thrilled to be around, seeing how he can roll around the floor and hearing his loud shrieks when he finds a new use for a familiar toy.

my sister-in-law and i searched through a family photo album today, showing his eight month old eyes pictures of his "uncle seth" and watching him touch the plastic over the picture while laughing. and all i could do was hold my breath, and wish i was starting life anew.

i missed him a lot today, and i've cried more than once. i keep finding new things about him that people would have loved.