grasping for anything familiar.

i haven't been able to sing along since that day you left us here, sitting by ourselves with our arms wrapped around each other in exquisite pain. crying and helpless, looking for you in eyes all around us, grasping for those things that we've all said before. i never meant any of it until now.

every night, i light that candle next to my bed, and i fumble for your shirt that's always tucked under my pillow. i fall asleep with as much of you as i can remember.

i get sick to my stomach when i think too far ahead because i never thought i could do it without you. and i know you would have turned your head down and away, just the same, at the mention of my name.