sleep sickness.

there is truly no reason that i should be awake right now. i've been trying to sleep for two hours. tossing turning, yeah, the whole bit.

i get minature panic attacks. breathing heavy, palms sweating, heart racing ... and it lasts for a good ten minutes at a time.

i was good without the tylenol pm for quite some time... it's been a month or so without slipping coated pills in my mouth.

but the dreams are getting worse, and i don't want to sleep.

so, i'm sitting in the dark of my bedroom, exhaling as deeply as i inhale, feeling half as good as i used to.

even the cats are sleeping.

knowing i have to be at work tomorrow, knowing that my body is exhausted. i'm twitching with fatigue.

sounds around me bring me back to the hospital room and the smells remind me of better times ... i just want to sleep without fighting for once.