can't afford structure or style.

i've had so much caffeine tonight that my fingertips are shaking with the fear of having to sleep.

so i decided to drown my money problems, friendships defunct, and overall lack of inspiration in a three hour hooplah at our local dying pretentious coffeeshop while listening to bright eyes and trying to ignore the bums begging us for change or cigarettes when we can't afford either pennies or nicotine and drinking endless glasses of blackberry iced tea.

and drown i did.

but i'm home now and contemplating monetary suicide ... whatever that may entail.

but i was in bed, staring at my ceiling fan again, and wondering why it's making that clicking noise all of a sudden.

but i'm up now, jittery and awake, fancying myself a bit anxious at the possibility that it may not be allright in the end. trying not to think that it may have been better if i never moved here.

this too shall pass.

i need a drink.