"somewhere other than inside the out there." -- part twenty four.
i couldn't quite make out the faces, but the music was loud and clear. i stood in the back and watched until these fucking tears started rolling down my cheeks, big ol' elephant ones without a word in edgewise.
before i get back into it, there's one thing that i see, right behind my eyes, that get up kids tshirt, on the foot of that hospital bed, a plea from all of us to him.
it's been a long few weeks, not really noticing all these big and bright stars deep in the heart of texas. all out and overseas with a stomach that wouldn't stop and a pen that could wait.
france was both good to me and vicious.
i came home to worse.
but that's another story for another time.
and who's interested in present tense anyway?
spring is falling, tripping its goofy horny way onto the faces of these people things that are wandering around this city. it will make it's way into summer and so on and so forth.
but, i had this love once.
have i mentioned that i have a love still? a still love?
he and i packed up. we put things in boxes and taped them as needed. we sold things and gave things away. we scrubbed our worded walls white.
and one day in august, we sat in my empty room and held hands as we said goodbye to a place called griggs.
"i wouldn't trade anything, you're still my everything."
one day in august, we climbed in my car, two cats and a houseplant in the backseat, and we drove to new orleans.
nuangola, pennsylvania - 2001. it was three something in the morning, and each hotel room for 400 miles was booked for the little league world series. i'm completely serious.
we stretched our legs at a rest area, and decided to stay there for a nap.
well, our cat, soleil, who we had just gotten a month prior, was a feral momma kitty who hates humans. we couldn't touch her without feeling her skin twitch. this cat trapped itself under my desk when we first got her. she squeezed into a three inch high space to get away from any contact. boy had to lift my desk with our roommate's help while i was at work to free her.
she escaped into the woods of some rest area in nuangola at three in the morning.
i screamed bloody murder as we watched her sprint across the grassy knoll and into the trees. there was no way she could survive if we left her there. little scaredy cat.
so, i made myself sick with adrenaline and fatigue, and boy stayed up for hours trying to coo her back into a catnip trap he had set up. he used gonzo as bait, he used baby voices, and he got incredibly frustrated (knowing that i would not be ok with anything until this cat was safely back in her kennel) man, he told this story better.
around five, i get up to go to the bathroom to puke. boy has just dozed off in the driver's seat. and she was just sitting there by the tire, staring at me. i crouched down with a small bucket of catnip, calling softly to her.
she comes up to sniff the catnip, and quickly, i shove the whole thing in her face and lunge. i got a hold of her tail. she whipped around and curled herself around my hands, clawing and biting but giving me a better grip. i jumped into the car, and boy jerked awake. i screamed, "the kennel, the kennel!!!" all the while, she's spitting and hissing and clawing.
i get her into the kennel and realize i'm covered in blood. my own, not the cat's.
i ripped the fuck out of both knees on the gravel when i lunged. i still have a piece of gravel in my left knee. my hands began to swell from the bites. it was incredible. this cat destroyed my hands.
boy began to drive. he drove all the way to kentucky, even though he was always petrified to drive through the hills of west virginia. and that night, we slept so well in his mother's house that i could hear his dreams.
we got to his dad's house in mid-city of new orleans, after remarking on the amazing rest areas of mississippi, in wee hours, and fell even deeper into sleep than the night before.
the next morning, we crossed highways and biways to get our keys. then, we let ourselves into our ovenlike apartment that belonged to us. just us.
that was the day we felt the most free.
new orleans and its thick air dropped onto us, sweaty and rich in time.
we had nothing but time.
