it can be trying.

oh christ, where have i been? what have i been doing? what is this absence?!
ireland can be trying at times... terribly terribly trying.
i was in this little restaurant cafe place on friday night. ok, so it was two in the morning-ish, and i had just seen a terribly sad movie and ignored most of my friends at the pub after.
they dragged me to this cafe because they knew that i hadn't really handled things well. i heard those fateful words, "she'll be fine once she eats. she hasn't eaten all day."
fuck fuck fuck.
i hadn't eaten all day?
i thought i got over that answer to my problems.
i had forgotten to eat... again.
either way, so that was a new thing, right on top of my aching little head. she didn't know that i had heard her, and i let that boy and that girl drag me to a restaurant and such.
i was quiet.
really quiet.
you see, the movie was about disabilities. fine. i can handle that. in fact, usually, i'm able to handle the death in the hospital scene. but here, in ireland, i'm different, and i can't handle it ... apparently.
holy fuck, i really can't handle it.
either way, after the movie, on to the pub. i just sat there. someone called me. i talked to them. i went back into the pub, and i sat there. everything was fine as long as i was quiet.
then they dragged me to this restaurant cafe place, which on a normal night... i love this place ... it's one of my favorite places in the city.
i walk in, and instantly, i'm ready to go back out. seeing someone that i don't really want to face while i'm a mess sitting in the back corner. seeing that i don't really want to sit and eat.
and as i'm sitting there, i'm slowly breaking into eighty bagillion pieces that i'm trying to keep together for the sake of not making a scene.
i went into the bathroom and crumpled to the floor.
and i found myself doing the same thing that i used to do, before i was 'better' ... i stopped ... realizing terrible things about myself. and luckily the other instinct had kicked in, and i had been counting while i was in there. divide by sixty, i've only been gone three minutes and seventeen seconds. i smoothed my hair, splashed my face, and entered back out into the restaurant.
everything is fucking brilliant.
my life kicks so much ass.
but ireland can be so trying.
there will be more and better things soon ... all just for you.