to rock'n'roll.

1999: we broke the bottle of champagne when we opened it. i wore my new charcoal-gray shirt, and i sat next to her older brother, who we always figured was just like our own older brother. we all got drunk and drunker. i slept on the floor after she and i had spent half an hour shouting nonsensical things at the television.

2001: the mezzanine level of a quiet and empty bar with janis joplin's summertime on repeat.

1995: we had thought that the three of us had started a tradition. i don't talk to either of them anymore. it was just the vodka talking.

2003: broken in a crowd, wearing one of those kitchy tiara things, not listening to the guy hitting on me, wondering if we'd find our passions again.

2000: on a big orange couch in the last place where i felt like i was at home and on the phone with him. rockstar drew a hand in my journal and signed it 'ducky' and i knew i'd know them forever.

1993: fell asleep before midnight as i was babysitting for my neighbor, a single mom on the prowl.

2002: wandering around the crescent city with my greatest cast of characters, complained a lot about the cold. when we went back to the apartment, having spent the midnight moment on the streetcar tracks of st. charles, he played 'even a punk needs a paycheck' and drank coffee out of my my little pony mug.

2004: reclined by a bonfire as it started to rain, watching my friends marvel at the colors and tell bad and worse jokes under the pale light of a curtain of whisky. oh, and rockstar drank some dirt.

2005: drunk on something other than alcohol, a quiet night in and we heard the fireworks up the road.