i'm ok. i'm good. wait... no, i'm really good.

i look back now, and i can't believe that it's been nearly three years since i remembered being happy.

that's been the weirdest thing i suppose since i met him, learning to be happy again. you have to relearn it, you know. you have to practice smiling and try not to flinch at the sound of your own laughter.

you slightly get used to the nightmares, the cold dark, and the alone. they become your friends. then they're taken away.

someone comes to dust them off and show you what you were really like.

that's been the hard part, if you can really use that word. it's been like tracking yourself through your own dream. it's illogical in its matrices. it's neither or. it's yet because. it's been shiny and leafy.

my god, how i love him. and if you could see how he's taught me to love again...