the outer rings of cgs ... page one

i was admitted to bu kind of on a plan. well, maybe i was admitted on lack of a plan, according to them. i think they just didn't want to tell me that my sat scores were not outstanding ... so they fed me some bullshit about my "extracurriculars being too varied to map out a future major."

yeah, that's what i said.

fed into this pool of parliament-smoking, black-pant-wearing, party-hopping, euro-trash-wannabe uber idiots, you could fashion that i wasn't exactly "fitting in" with the chicks of the "college of general studies." i was that girl. the one that would rather finish her cigarette than arrive on time to class, didn't own a pair of black pants, rented movies on saturday nights, and preferred docs to anything with a heel. about two weeks into class, i found my group of friends to be the best laid plans that failed. six or seven guys who welcomed me to their lunch table with a well-intentioned glad hand.

it was easy to see the way other girls looked at me from across the dining hall or mentioned my taste for friends while killing time in class. i wasn't what you would call accepted, but i found this little place for an hour or two during the day where i could listen and feel allright with my decisions. they didn't judge me or flirt with me or try to make me choose differently. the guys just acted like they always would. after all, we were all kind of new to this scenario ... none of us knew where the last four years had brought us or who these people really were. dammit, we were going to at least be entertained. i was sure that i wasn't going to change for these pricks.

a core curriculum with the same professors all year and the same group of peers in all your classes ... hmmmm, sounds like high school to me.

there were evenings spent studying to dawn when i would cry just to get the fuck out of this ratty hellhole, convinced there had to be something bittersweet about my new perspective.

these guys, i couldn't believe their patience. listening intently to my horrid stories of my boyfriend back "home" and friends they would never meet, i would not have made a fucking ripple in my life if i hadn't felt that for four weeks i had this group of guys to fall back on during small hours of lunch.

transitions often conquer my weak will for months, driving me to solitude. this time, i did not crumple and fall to my old ways. i laughed and rose up to my own standards. i opened my mouth, surprising myself... a scream did not come out ... a stream of anecdotes and jokes and original turns of phrase that stayed with me until i saw these guys again at graduation.