who carries what torch?

i'm not sure that i even have anything left to say. yet, i keep going, breathing in and out. i wake up. i go to sleep. i eat food that no longer has the taste it used to. our music strikes the same chords, but the sound is different.

"our weakness is the same."

i look in the mirror, and it's estranged to me, now .. the reflection.

i have yet to come to grips with how my world now appears, as i promise to see him again. i've never been good with words. i stumble around in them like shoes three sizes too big, but i'm obligated to get from point a to point b. even if i trip or falter, i'm still here, right? still fumbling through this sad world we've built, questions still hammering at my mind relentlessly.

for the past week, i've been scared and wondering how the fuck i'm going to do this without him, without that torch to light my way. i had truly convinced myself that i couldn't do this without him, but ...

but what?

but his family. but his friends. but his writing. but his love. but his life.