until i find my heart.
it's too much to say those words out loud. those small words that tell me you're not coming back. i can't fucking say them any more. i can't tell one more soul that you're gone. i can't walk through this barrel of a world any more.
i'm on the verge, or the brink or the edge ... as you would say, there's a big difference, but i can't see from you right now. all i can hear is pain, and all i can see is my lashes soaked. my cheeks are wet, and i can't feel why.
oh god, i can't say those words any more. i can't tell them that i want you back. i want you back. i want you back. that's all i want. all i want with every fucking thing i have, and no one ever told me that there were things that don't change. you told me everything had that ability to change. you told me we could change. you told me we'd be better one day.
i'm sobbing now ... only for you. oh god, my hands are shaking. my throat is closing and choking. my teeth are chattering against my glass of water. i can't think straight. i can't.
i'm sorry, i can't write any more. i can't fucking do it. i can't bring him down to me, and i can't see the sky. i can't feel him talking, and i can't say what.
there will always be a great distance ... and it will be mine to fall into.
