have i made sense at all in the past few days?

i could tell you how it's never quiet in my head anymore, how something's always crying. it wouldn't do any good, would it?

my grief counseling doesn't start for another month. i love how they put things like this on a schedule. i may need someone before that.

my brother's fine ... his stone randomly disappeared. no surgery. no more pain. it's just gone.

my mood is waivering between craving cigarettes and not wanting to disturb my currently delicate stomach.

i've felt memories clawing the back of my head all day, surviving in the slew of dreams i had last night, drugged and mistaken for reality. waking up, droning on, pretending, it's just not feeling good, wearing on me.

being attacked, being inadequate, a line of questioning that never mentions love. here i stand, alone on sandy gravel.

christ, my sentences don't even prove themselves any more. cower beneath these weak words that never held any solace for me and resemble nothing like strength.