just words.

i miss saying the word bean. i said it a lot today as i flipped through some pictures. everytime one of him came up, i said bean ... because i miss saying it. i miss him being there to hear it and smile widely, replying with "BEAN!"

in the last few months, i had shortened it to "beh" ... he called me bean, and i called him beh. it was sometimes drawn out to beeeeeeh when i was whiny, but he really thought me clever for shortening a one syllable word to make it, in fact, the cutest thing ever.

we had this endearing little quip ... when he was being purposely frustrating, i would furrow my brow very very seriously and say, "yoooooou." and boy would grin a five year old's grin, throw his chin in the air, and enthusiastically say, "MEEEEEE!"

the smallest words, that i seem to use everyday, with just the right voices and only our intonations, were all of our ways of saying i love you over and over day after day.

words come out all wrong, and i use them purposefully with incorrect meanings, trying to find those small words between prepositions and conjuctions, the smallest words we could ever find, to keep telling him that i love him.