i didn't want to say anything, but ...

i remember when i just lived my days instead of pushing through them. i remember when i had inherent hope instead of pitted eyes.

but memory is a tricky business when it's overcompensating and trying to make you feel better. it doesn't have that same nostalgia or laugh track when the events start rolling around in your head. it's trying so hard to validate a relationship that never needed anyone's stamp of approval. it's waiting for you in bed at night, and it's already awake when your groggy eyes open. it's there when your friends can't be and when your family is left with less than words.

i'm a lot of memory, and i'm not a lot of now. i never wanted to live in the past, and i didn't want to be that person living only for the future. i used to be that girl who took it all into consideration and made it now.

then again, it was never supposed to be like this.

i'm making reconciliations between old times and new friends. the connections in my head are frayed and static at best. memories are pulling me toward what i can only see as the years we weren't broken.

the moment is fading fast, and i'm left in sometime other than now, looking toward yesterday and forgetting about tomorrow.