parting words.

would i have done things differently if i knew for sure that you couldn't stay? probably.

we don't call that regret, though. we call it loss.

would i have loved you more? i don't think i could.

would i have taken you to a doctor? fixed it? made you better? would that have given us more time or just made the time we had more miserable?

would i have kissed you harder, said i love you more, cherished the evenings? i already did.

everytime you left the apartment, it was "i love you."

once, you asked me why i said that everytime you left, even if it was just to circle k.

"because you never know what'll happen?"

you stopped, and you came back over to me. you kneeled in front of me ...

"bean, do you think that i wouldn't know that ... even if you could never say it again?"

"no ... but i want you to hear it, just in case i could never say it again."

"i love you, too, my bean." and you kissed my forehead.

i could never say it enough.